i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
