Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
