I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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