my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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