Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I intend to get homeless drunk
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
