I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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