Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
