dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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