Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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