At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
