I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i've created a new STD.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
