it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
cat food counts as protein by the way
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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