WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My feet surprised me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
