mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
