i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
