the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
