**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
