I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
