how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
