So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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