My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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