I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You were trust falling into bushes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
