Your dad touched me again.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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