I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
