I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
