Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
