Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
