I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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