Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
