So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
