since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
