Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
