should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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