The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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