woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
