definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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