I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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