Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
