the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
