Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
