Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
