I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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