So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
