I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
