How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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