So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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