My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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