I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
