Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
