yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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