She is in my trunk
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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