why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
