I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
this is an emotional support booty call
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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