So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
