So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
