It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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