Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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