i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
