I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
zippers are such a cool invention
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
