Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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