Soap is not a condiment
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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