You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
