At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
