I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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