My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
