I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
