Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
