Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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