Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
