I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
