I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
